Some things
by blackkyu
Summary: "Oh, what's this?" the teen smiled with a tilt of his head, "the brat who keeps calling me a slime, a very filthy creature which has no resemblance to my magnificent form, and doesn't even bother to ask for my name, dares to insinuate that I am being impolite?" Hints of Sephiroth/Cloud and lost of cussing.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy**

Chapter One: The Slime and the Chocobo

Some things in this world are hard to explain, and others are fucking nuts, Cloud thought as he stared at the figure slowly pushing its self out of the Mako spring. Of course, Cloud was pretty sure he wasn't supposed to be seeing this…birth? Awakening? What-ever-the-hell it was; but he was a curious kid (to an extent that always got him in trouble), well, that, and the fact that he had ran up the mountain after another fight with his mother.

Which, in other words, meant that he had foolishly ran up the mountain in only his socks, t-shirt, and worn out hand-me-down pants (who they were handed down from he had no idea) in the middle of winter, and right before a bloody snow storm hit.

Thus, Cloud was effectively trapped.

In a cave.

A creepy cave.

A very very very creepy cave.

A cave that happened to have some weird person crawling their way out of the Mako spring in the center (the warmest part) of the blasted thing and towards him (at least, it appeared that way).

Ah, what luck he had.

An abusive mother, a murdered father, no friends (besides Tifa—who saw him more as a cute cat than anything else), and no other family to speak of—no, really, no one ever spoke of his family, mainly because doing so brought back memories of murder, deceit, and, strangely, really bad pie.

Yes, Cloud was a very lucky individual.

"Do you always participate in annoying pity fits kid?"

Startled, Cloud jumped and let out a rather unmanly squeak, to the amusement of his quest.

"I'm so very sorry that I'm a kid," Cloud growled as the green coated figure chuckled, "but at least I don't look like a slime."

"A slime?" the figure inquired with a tilt of his head, amusement leaking through his voice as the Mako slowly drained off him.

"Yes," Cloud said while puffing out his cheeks and folding his arms, "a slime, and not just any slime, a slime that was eaten by a Dragon and spit out again, only to be stomped on several times and then kicked aside."

"I look squashed?"

"You did"

"Really? When?"

"When you were coming out of the spring"

"Ah, I see." The figure nodded with amusement, amusement which was really getting on Clouds nerves.

"So who the hell are you?" Cloud ground out, not really caring to be polite.

The figure rose an eyebrow (his face was slowly becoming visible) "how old are you kid?"

"Six" Cloud sniffed.

"And you're already cursing?" the figure enquired with a slight edge to his words.

"Yeah, so?"

"Did you're parent's ever teach you manners?"

"No" Cloud growled, "They didn't"

"Then I will"

"What?"

"Are you deaf?"

"Hell no! And why should I listen to what a fucking slime tells me?"

"Cause this fucking slime can kill you"

"So you're threatening me now!"

"No, it was a warning, from slime to Chocobo"

"Chocobo!" Cloud screeched in a strange mixture of delight and annoyance.

"Yes," the figure smiled, "Cho-co-bo~"

Cloud would never ever admit it out loud, but he was enjoying himself. This was the first time someone not only talked to him, but actually listened and didn't write him off as a kid. Sure, you could argue that someone out there in the village had to have talked to him at least once. But, they never really talked, they yelled, or murmured, and, if they did talk, it wasn't to him; it was to the wall, the roof, his shadow, or any other thing in the room besides him.

"eh, slime?" Cloud said shakily.

"hhmm?"

"You're slimes coming off"

"It's supposed to; I'm not really a slime you know"

"No, I mean," Cloud swiftly looked away, "You're butt naked underneath!" he finally yelled, giving up on being subtle.

"Ah," the figure looked down at himself, now visible shimmering green eyes dancing with amusement, "I am indeed."

"…"

"Would you happen to have any spare clothes?"

Authors note: Hello, not the best of starts, but please tell me what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy **

Chapter Two: Of Baby Dragons and Slimes

"_Would you happen to have any spare clothes?"_

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Some things in this world are hard to explain, others are just so fucking embarrassing, you don't want others to know.

"You want me to wear dragon skin?"

"Well, unless you plan on walking to the village in the middle of a bloody snow storm, yes."

"…"

Cloud smirked at his quests silence. Upon remarking on Slime's nakedness, the young man had silently glided (yes, glided, Cloud thought gloomily) behind a rock; from which his shinning green eyes peaked over to glare in distaste at the dragon skins in Clouds hands.

Yes, Cloud had killed dragons.

Okay, so the dragons were small, and, maybe, they really weren't the strongest, and, maybe, perhaps, he came across them after a pack of wolves had already left them half dead.

But he _had _killed them. Taken their last breaths by smashing their heads in with a random rock nearby (which increased his strength by ten and reduced his speed and intelligence by twenty…no, Cloud was not blaming a rock for the moronic murder of baby dragons)…and barfed after wards. Cloud didn't feel guilty for the death of the baby dragons. They were going to die anyway, better by his hands then by the teeth of scavengers. What he did feel guilty for, however, was that he had to hit them twice before they died.

Not only did his lack of strength mean that the dying dragons had to go through excruciating pain, but it also meant they had time to let out some rather pitiful wails. Wails which could chill the hottest cup of noodles, extinguish the hunger of thirty starving men…and summon mothers at the speed of Shiva's fury.

So, although Cloud had wondered slightly why the small dragons had not let out such wails upon their original attack, he had picked up their corpses (he actually dragged them, but that doesn't sound as cool) and ran from the frenzied mother with all the speed accessible to a Chocobo.

…thank fully there were small cracks in the wall that Cloud could hide in. So he cowered in them as the mother of the two passed on by…and almost passed out when her snout was pushed against the crack and one of her claws was inserted. Thankfully the mother was smart enough to realize she couldn't fit and left, less Cloud would have more than likely relived himself.

But the Slime had no need to know any of that.

"Just stop complaining and wear the skins."

"Do you know how to skin dragon's kid?"

"…no."

The Slime sighed, shaking his head, causing more of the mako slime to fall out of his shoulder length brownish gold hair and land a mere inches from Cloud's feet, "to skin anything, what do you usually need?"

"I don't know how…" Cloud began, only for the Slime to spit onto his socks, causing Cloud to jump and glare as he franticly looked around for something to wipe his sock off with.

"To skin anything, Cho-co-bo~" the Slime smiled, green eyes shining in a more lethal light, "you usually need a knife, you know, something sharp and pointy? Able to draw blood?"

"I'm not an idiot!" Cloud cried indignantly, wiping his sock off on a moss covered rock, the dead dragons tossed to a random corner.

"Then why is it" the Slime began, a vicious smile crossing his face "that you don't know something so fucking simple you fucking retard?"

"I'm not a retard either! You filthy sewage slime! and weren't you to one you said manners were important!"

"I did, but I'm awesome, so I can bypass that law when speaking to bratty kids."

"How the hell can sewage slime be awesome? And you shouldn't go around calling those who helped you bratty!"

"Oh, what's this?" the Slime smiled with a tilt of his head, "the brat who keeps calling me a slime, a very filthy creature which has no resemblance to my magnificent form, and doesn't even bother to ask for my name, dares to insinuate that _I_ am being impolite?"

Cloud almost cowered behind the giant rock on the opposite side of the room. But something about the Slime made him want to stand his ground and prove himself. Maybe it was the fact that he didn't want to be seen as a cowered by the only one who actually talked to him. Or maybe it was because he didn't want to acknowledge the fact that he was scared of a naked teen that looked like he couldn't take on a fly. Either way, he took a deep breath and asked with very, very, restrained fury (which really wasn't restrained as it dripped off every word) "then who are you?"

"That's not the question you should ask, I thought you would already know that when I avoided the question earlier."

"Do you want me to be polite or not! Cause every word that comes out of that mouth of yours pisses me off!"

"I see" the Slime smiled, eyes once again dancing with that much hated mischief, "well, then, if that is really the way you want to go about doing things…"

"Yes!" Cloud shouted, throwing his arms in exasperation, hoping to shut the teen up.

"I am the memory of dragons and plants, and a few wolves here and there, along with some extinct type of bird-human hybrid."

"wha?"

"yeah" the Slime smiled with a tilt of his head, "I don't really get it either. But what you really wanted to know was my name, right?"

Cloud nodded his head numbly.

"It's Sire, Sire Rios"


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy**

Chapter Three: Memories and Strife

"_I am the memory of dragons and plants, and a few wolves here and there, along with some extinct type of bird-human hybrid."_

"_wha?"_

"_yeah" the Slime smiled with a tilt of his head, "I don't really get it either. But what you really wanted to know was my name, right?"_

"_It's Sire, Sire Rios"_

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Some things in this world are hard to explain, and others will never, ever, make sense.

"bird-human hybrid?" Cloud inquired tiredly as the Slime, now known as Sire, went about skinning the baby dragons with a sharpened rock that he had found…somewhere.

"Is that the only thing that managed to lodge itself into the miniature mind of yours kid?"

"It's Cloud"

"hhmm?"

"My names Cloud"

"Ah," the Slime smiled brightly, "finally, a name more ridiculous than mine."

"Shut up." Cloud growled halfheartedly, a big yawn splitting across his face as his body was racked with shivers once more.

"It is rather cold isn't it?" Sire inquired, watching as Cloud's breath came out in small wisps. Taking a deep breath of his own the Slime glanced outside and sighed at the sight; some dragons clinging onto rocks for dear life as the wind and ice scratched and ripped their wings. Then standing up in a flourish, clothes suddenly sprang onto his form as he stomped over to Cloud and picked him up, slinging the Chocobo over his shoulder.

Cloud would have screamed out in fury, realizing that all his hard work to acquire the skins was for not. But he was far too tired. And he was pretty sure that he shouldn't be staying in this area for so long. So he took the manliest way out of appearing like a weakling in front of some slime who apparently didn't need your help, "your shoulders are bony."

"I know"

And then all Cloud knew was darkness.

When Cloud woke up again it was to the sound of screaming and shattering glass…and was that his mother's voice? Not bothering to even glance around, Cloud jumped out of bed and opened the door in a rush, his feet already in the motion of running.

And that was what spared his eyes from being stabbed by flying forks.

"Mother!" Cloud cried out, as, once again, his feet carried him safely away from a flying object (a habit gained from having too many pans thrown at him), "What are you doing? You'll wake the neighbors!" (somewhere along the way Cloud had come to the realization he was in his house, it was probably the golden Chocobo on the bottom of each object thrown that kind of gave it away).

"Ah, Cloud" spoke a familiar mischievous voice, "I'm glad you're awake."

Ignoring the voice, thus causing a slight pout to be sent his way, Cloud ran to his mother and stomped on her foot.

"What the fuck did you do that for you fucking idiotic worthless piece of trashy pie!"

"What the fuck do you think you're doing you fucking ogre sized bugger!"

"Is fuck and all its variants the only curse words we know in this story!"

"Shut the fuck up you sewage slime!" yelled Cloud and his mother in unison.

"No!" Sire yelled back, pissed that someone else was calling him by such an undignified name, "I will not shut my mouth and upchuck my pee!"

"…"

Sire had won.

Wait…why the hell was the Slime in Cloud's house to begin with?

It was then that Cloud realized something that really should have been obvious before—Sire had wings.

And not just any type of wings, but a mix, one obviously dragon (what with its scales, hocked claw, and dark coloring), and another some type of birds (Cloud really couldn't discern its origin, as the wing was too dark to be white, too light to be brown, and too grey to be black, yet too red to be grey…yeah, very confusing).

"bird-human hybrid?" Cloud hazard a guess, his eyes glued to the odd wing as it pulled itself towards Sire's body almost shyly, even though the Slime himself showed no such emotion.

"Why yes," Sire smiled, once again tilting his head to the side, hair falling before one eye, "I suppose you're not as stupid as you appear kid."

"What the fuck?" inquired Mrs. Strife, to the frowning disapproval of the Slime.

"To put it simply, I am made up of several components, one of which is a dragon, another is a bird-human hybrid critter."

"…"

Once again the Strife's where confused. But Cloud was slightly glad for the confusion, because this was the first thing he and his mother had ever truly shard together. But he still didn't enjoy the confusion.

"If you're confused with me, wait till you meet the Memories of War and Peace."

If Cloud was truly the close-minded idiot many assumed he was, then he wouldn't have a) believed a word that came out of the Slime's mouth or b) put the pieces together. But he wasn't and so he came up with the only conclusion that seemed to make any sense with what he had been told (and what he had seen) by the mysterious Slime:

Memories where coming to life.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy**

Chapter Four: Family and Time

_If Cloud was truly the close-minded idiot many assumed he was, then he wouldn't have a) believed a word that came out of the Slime's mouth or b) put the pieces together. But he wasn't and so he came up with the only conclusion that seemed to make any sense with what he had been told (and what he had seen) by the mysterious Slime:_

_Memories where coming to life._

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Some things in this world are hard to explain, others are better off left alone. At least, that's what Cloud thought.

"Why do you exist?" snapped Mrs. Strife, dim blue eyes glaring holes at the relaxed Slime as he sipped the miraculously delicious tea (Slime made) that he just so happened to share with a for once complacent Cloud.

"Why do you exist?" Sire questioned back, the hated amusement for once turned against someone who wasn't a Chocobo.

Sadly, that someone wasn't as young and as weak as Cloud (Cloud's attack: 15, Mrs. Strife's: 17), and thus knives had to be skillfully dodged by the unfortunate duo (Sire because he can piss off anyone, and Cloud because his very existence annoys her).

Thus, after several minutes of dodging, two of the three individuals in the rickety-worn-down-vine-covered-speck-of-dirt-house, where exhausted to such an extent that nether one cared that they were leaning on the Slime for support.

Stamina:

Cloud: 30

Mrs. Strife: 19

Sire: 2999

And, once again, Sire won.

"So, if you won't tell us why you exist…" began Cloud

"It's not that I won't, it's simply that I can't, I know as much about the reason for my existence as a flower."

Mrs. Strife laughed mockingly, "That's the best you can do?"

"Anyway," Cloud continued, "can you at least tell us what you can do—besides fly that is?"

"And what would you gain from that kid?"

"…"

"He wants to become a Soldier", Mrs. Strife coughed.

"Ah," Cloud replied mockingly, "you care!"

"Only enough to get you out of my fucking house you fucking free loading squid-chocobo!"

"And we're back to cussing"

"What the hell is a squid?"

"See, if you don't even know that, then you're a fucking retard!"

"Am not you psychotic bitch!"

"Watch your mouth fucking trash!"

"You should watch what goes in yours skank!"

"…"

Sire's eyes brow's twitched in irritation, his ever present smile gaining a sharper edge by the word, and, before long his hands were shaking and his wings were ready to pop out again and take out some eyes (for all those that wonder where they went, Cloud hadn't the slightest idea).

"If another cuss word comes out of either of your mouths I'll turn you both into charcoal!"

In a matter of seconds Cloud and his mother did what Cloud didn't want to do in the cave:

Cower like idiots behind the closest big object in the room.

Thus they cowered behind a dresser.

A very, very pink dresser.

And man did looking at it make Cloud want to puke.

"So", smiled Sire, eyes still glowing in anger, "you want to become a Soldier"

Cloud nodded his head, bright blue eyes peaking over the side of the dresser, a grand source of déjà vu for Cloud.

"I have absolutely no idea what that is."

"are you a fu—" a sharp glare made Mrs. Strife gulp, "what do you mean you don't know?"

"I mean" Sire gave a toothy smile, "I don't know."

The Strife's gave him the idiot-glare.

"However," the Slime coughed, "I assume that in order to join you have to know how to fight?"

"Yes" Mother and Son answered together, sounding like they were talking to a very, very, slow moron just released from the hospital.

"Then, along with manners, I am willing to teach the Chocobo how to fight"

"…wha?"

"Anything to get him the fu-….eh, heh, I mean, anything to see my sons dream come true!"

And thus began Clouds torture. For 7 whole years Sire trained Cloud. Subjecting him to all forms of strange tests, forcing him to learn old languages, and how to use magic both with a Matera and without, along with how to use all kinds of weapons and how to make them.

But, some things in this world are hard to explain, others are better off left alone, and the details of Clouds training is one of the later.

"And now, seven years later, our little Chocobo is ready to begin his training as a soldier"

"And, now, seven year later, the Slime still speaks to himself"

"It's not to myself, it's to them" Sire replied with a pout, swiping his hands forward, "the readers, the audience."

"You're insane"

"And I'm your teacher, so deal"

"…you're coming with me?" Cloud groaned, face palming as the Slime jumped onto a cardboard box and shouted to the sky, "of course my dear Chocobo! This magnificent memory will fallow you anywhere! Even do the depths of hell! All to insure that I keep my promise to your late mother!"

"I'm not dead yet!"

"We wish you were!" shouted the Chocobo and Slime in unison.

He would never admit it, but Cloud was glad that his seemingly immortal teacher would join him. He still had questions for the Slime, and in all honestly; Cloud had become very…Shiva forbid, dependent, on the constant humor of the memory.

However…

"Besides, if I go I can always make sure that you don't fall into the wrong crowd, or have too many girlfriends…"

Sire had gained a mother-complex when it came to Cloud (but anyone who confronted the Slime about it would be faced with complete denial and a forever lack of teeth), and thus "Oh, Dragon liver, the horror!"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five: of Hero's, Chocobo's, and Puppies

"_Besides, if I go I can always make sure that you don't fall into the wrong crowd, or have too many girlfriends…"_

_Sire had gained a mother-complex when it came to Cloud (but anyone who confronted the Slime about it would be faced with complete denial and a forever lack of teeth), and thus "Oh, Dragon liver, the horror!"_

Some things in this world are hard to explain, others will never, ever, stay the same. For at Shinra headquarters Cloud realized something that should have been obvious since entering the city (the ride over didn't count, he slept the whole way)…no one could see Sire.

"Ah, kid, you should really pay attention" declared the hidden slime, his hand pointing forward as he stared in disdain, seemingly not at all fazed when yet another cadet walked through him.

"Could Strife!" yelled the desk-man (Cloud never really cared to know what they were called) once again, this time actually drawing a sigh from the chocobo as he chalked up the current mystery to the weirdness of slime.

"Here sir!"

And now it was time to fill out the blasted paperwork.

Age: who would know if he lied?

Previous training: yes, by a living memory/apparently-ghost slime

Hometown: Cloud never intended to return there so it didn't matter

Hobbies: …did chasing a laughing slime count?

Skills: …they wouldn't believe half of what Cloud could do

Friends: what, so the company could blackmail him later?

Family Status: Father—might as well be dead

Mother—Cloud was currently wishing for her death with every fiber of his being

Sibling—Cloud glanced over at the slime…he highly doubted that Sire would count

Finishing up the strange questionnaire was simple; the only annoying thing being Sire's muffled laughter over his shoulder.

Next up, the placement exams.

"Don't go all out"

"Why not?" Shiva, Cloud hoped no one noticed he was talking to thin air.

"Cause you can learn something from this that I haven't taught you yet"

"Like what?"

"How to speak with something other than air"

"You weren't a fucking ghost until we got here!"

And that was hoe Clouds reputation as the crazy blond began. Not that he cared. He continued with the conversation, pointedly ignoring the looks of pity and disgust sent his way.

"I didn't die" declared the slime; indignant as he crossed his deceivingly twig like arms.

"Then why can't people see you?"

"Because I am the memory of Dragons and plants…"

"and strange human-bird hybrids"

"…that only exists in the mountains"

"And that means?"

"Only those who've been in contact with the descendants of those beings that make up my existence may see me"

"…so only those who've come in contact with certain types of plants and dragons can see you?"

"Correct"

"…they only exist in my hometown, don't they?" sighed Cloud in resignation.

"Some scientist have also got ahold of some of those things too, so you might come across a few specials who might be able to see me"

"Is that bad?"

"No, but you must be cautious around such people, if they find out the connection between us…"

"And that is?"

"…" the slime sighed, "anyway, when those people come I'll hide, so don't call for me, however, I might dangle behind those certain Specials who you must influence"

"Why do you keep saying that?"

"…?"

"Specials"

"…cause I'm too lazy to think up another name for them…I'm not a scientist you know"

Before Cloud could respond the announcements sounded off.

"All cadets report to the exam rooms!"

Giving up Cloud stood and walked down the hall, the slime floating close behind as he took his seat, all others giving the crazy one a wide berth.

"Begin!"

To say the test was easy was an understatement, Cloud could have easily passed it with top marks, but the whispering slime made sure that he 'missed' a few. Mainly meaning he would twist the answer into a 'mystery'.

Example: What level must a cure materia be before it can cast curaga?

Answer: A level higher than you're IQ and lower than your ass.

Alright, so Sire told him to hide his abilities, but he never said the chocobo couldn't stand out. Besides, the rumors of his craziness were going to spread like wildfires (if those books slime made him read were to be trusted) anyway, so why not have some fun? After all, who needs friends when you've got a memory on your side? Along with dark humor and a few other things-beings-that Cloud wouldn't think about right now—to many horrible memories with mushrooms and pie, and, oh Shiva…submarines!

Soon all cadets were asked to report to the auditorium were they'd be instructed and yelled at, and most likely humiliated. Cloud could already tell several of the cadets were going to feint. But he was pretty sure that no one could be as scary as an angry slime so the chocobo marched ahead of all the others with a spark of slime's humor lighting his eyes.

Upon entering the area Cloud took up residence in the back left corner, his presence almost as invisible as his smiling companion. Needless to say he zoned out for the majority of the speech given by the crazy baldy, his thoughts directed to the ways of which he must limit his abilities. That is, he was zoned out until a certain name was called…

"Sepiroth!"

The chocobo suddenly straightened up, his eyes slightly wide as he stared at his once hero who was mostly forgotten in his training with Sire. But then they narrowed…something was…off. Cloud couldn't pinpoint it, but it almost felt as if something evil was lying in wait within the hero.

"Genova," whispered the slime, his eyes focusing on both the chocobo and the hero. "That witch?" the chocobo asked his tone as soft as slimes, remembering all of the lectures on her influence and power. "Yes"

-And now for Sepiroth's POV, please tell me if I've made mistakes on this and if you'd like more or less of these switches in the future-

He blamed Zack; the only reason for his current predicament was due to the puppies insistent yapping. All Sepiroth had wanted was some rest, and at the time if that meant agreeing to a speech in front of the cadets to shut Zack the fuck up, then that was okay; at least, until he _had_ to do the speech.

'_Damn you Zack, damn you!'_

"Sepiroth!"

And there was his cue…couldn't he just kill someone and be done with it? With a deep sigh, Sepiroth walked onto the stage while pushing out his air of greatness. However, when one, two, and then three cadets passed out from the shock of his aura, he regretfully pulled the majority of it back in, leaving at least enough to scare the crap out of every last one of them.

See the shaking cadets at least made is day a smidgen better…until his eyes landed on a rather strange specimen. _'A chocobo?'_ and yet again Sephiroth blamed Zack for his frustrating influence. But all puppies aside the 'chocobo', Sephiroth grudgingly allowed, stood the farthest from all the other cadets. And, although he looked rather young and frail, he was…glaring? And apparently speaking to himself.

Alright, so the glaring was strange enough—and the odd mumbling, but cadets did that whenever they got nervous, right?—but the confident way he held himself was even stranger.

Sephrioth smirked. Maybe things were finally going to get interesting—but back to the original goal.

"Listen up!" he said, cause he never, ever, shouted—such things were for annoying worthless hero's as they faced their enemies, or incompetent people who can't command respect otherwise, or people who don't know how to win a verbal fight. But if Sepiroth was confident in only one thing, it was his greatness. Thus he would never, ever, resort to such lame tactics to demand attention.

"The majority of you are incompetent idiots who are going to drop out of the program in the first few days," ah, making cadets suffer was so therapeutic, "and the rest of you are nothing more than worthless cockroaches who will stay in as canon fodder for the rest of your lives," did the chocobo just laugh? "A very, very, small percentage of you—pi divided by one hundred squared—will move on to higher ranks," yeah, the chocobo was defiantly laughing, " so don't even bother trying you're best, you won't get anywhere with that, instead, surpass it, strive for the impossible, that way, even if you should fail you'll be comforted in the fact that there was no way you could have succeeded!"

As Sephiroth exited the stage—leaving behind a crowd of stunned and quivering cadets—his eyes connected with cerulean blue, and the understanding he saw reflected made the hero swell up with pride.

At least he knew this cadet would go far. He would see to it personally.

-Strange POV-

Not once did the hero notice the mischievous smile of the slime that silently followed him in the shadows, and not once did Cloud notice that there was another copy of his companion floating around—for he was already turned away by his slimes tugging as they raced toward the science department for Mako tolerance testing…


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six: It wasn't drugs?

_As Sephiroth exited the stage—leaving behind a crowd of stunned and quivering cadets—his eyes connected with cerulean blue, and the understanding he saw reflected made the hero swell up with pride. _

_At least he knew this cadet would go far. He would see to it personally._

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Some things in this world are hard to explain, others are just plain irritating—especially to Hojo.

For, although the science department had just received the newest equipment and only the freshest specimens (including, but not limited to, walking hamburgers, split fish, dragons with pony tails, fat men with fins, and cute innocent virgin boys and girls dressed in pink lace) the experiments were getting nowhere! If he was even the slightest bit superstitious he would have seen this as a bad omen. However, as he was not he simply saw it as a fault of incompetence.

So, in his most normal Hojo way, he sentenced all declared stupide-scientists to death by experiment. Alas, after several hours of fun watching the idiots being torn in half, eaten, raped, tickled, drowned in pudding, stomped on by dragons, farted at by gnomes, and suffering several other miscellaneous deaths that Shinra would never have the pleasure of finding in his closet—for he actually kept all these secret contraptions and experiments under his bed—he realized something of even greater annoyance.

Out of the 250 scientists he originally had he was now reduced to 50. Not only that, but if he were to ask for more there would certainly be questions...and he would never, ever, allow Shinra go barge into his home—for he had no life outside his lab—and take his virgins!

…ah…wait…he meant experiments, that's right, he'd never allow Shinra to take his experiments!

"Keep telling yourself that buddy" snickered a rather annoying voice. But before Hojo could even turn to berate the fool who'd dare speak to him—he never once considered an intruder, for no one could possibly be so stupide-a teacher called out to him, at least he thought it was a teacher, he never really cared for much outside the virgins he was going to ra—ah, _experiment_ on.

…POV change—Cloud…

"Where in Gaia did you wander off to?" Cloud whispered as soon as his invisible companion appeared in the rather-big-gigantic-questionably-large elevator. Slime only smiled, his eyes shining, "Watch out for perverted scientists chocobo~"

At said chocobo's questioning look Sire simply twirled in the air—for he had acquired the ability to act all ghostly, just to annoy him.

"Alright, cadets of the lore!" shouted the guide-slash-teacher-slash-annoying-mother-fucker; causing a few to snicker and Sire to strike a poss. "As soon as these mystical doors of golden dew drops" now that confused everyone, even slime, into silence "open and yield up the sheeped dragons of hidden hell"

"What the fuck?" whispered on cadet

"Hell's not hidden" whispered another

"That's because it doesn't exist~" singsonged slime in reply, causing Cloud to shake his head as the guide continued undeterred.

"We will step forward unafraid and totally calm of heart and mind!" thus causing several cadets to actually become quit nervous "and we will not back down!" the fidgeting of the cadets was soon becoming unbearable—leaving Cloud about ready to rip out the guides tongue and slime floating through several heads. Thankfully, before any tongue-ripping could occur the elevator reached its destination, unfortunately, the 'mystical doors of golden dew drops' had long since became a symbol of fear for the cadets, and, it appeared to Cloud, it had been so, for a much longer time, to the guide.

With a sigh the chocobo pushed his way forward and slowly dragged the terrified teacher out of the elevator, after making sure the cadets took the hint—and that slime was by his side—he made his way down the hall, and into a place that he would soon call hell…

…POV Change—Sephiroth…

Being the best was a rather difficult thing. Your friends were jealous of you (really only one, but who cared for the details?). Everyone wanted your advice (mainly foolish cadets who haven't learned to fear him yet). And you were expected to fill out hundreds upon hundreds of paper work in a day. After all, if you could kill hundreds upon hundreds of people, paper work should be easy right?

With a seething glare and a furious pen, slime was almost certain that Sephiroth was proving such foolish thoughts right.

"Damn stupide hero complex and your super humanness"

Sephiroth didn't even bother to look up, having long ago chalked up the strange ghost-teens presence as another illusion brought on by Hojo's pills; he decided the best course of action would be to ignore the odd ball. Which is why he didn't say anything to Zack as he talked on and on about the cutest little chocobo with a strange teen floating in and out of his head and stomach. Even if it was weird. And annoying. And a wee bit irritating.

"Would you stop that!" he snapped at the teen as he stuck his finger through Zack's eyeball. Zack was, more or less, as startled as a speaking peach thrown into the universe of Houshin Engi. Meaning, he gaped at Sephiroth as if he had lost his mind. "He's been doing this for hours and it only annoys you now!"

Huh, apparently it wasn't the drugs...


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven: Cats and slimes don't mix…and chocobo's aren't safe around Octopi.

"_Would you stop that!" he snapped at the teen as he stuck his finger through Zack's eyeball. Zack was, more or less, as startled as a speaking peach thrown into the universe of Houshin Engi. Meaning, he gaped at Sephiroth as if he had lost his mind. "He's been doing this for hours and it only annoys you now!"_

_Huh, apparently it wasn't the drugs..._

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Some things in this world are hard to explain, others you simply can't find the words for.

"Sir," one of the cadets whispered, "why are we staring at an Octopus?"

The "Octopus"—otherwise known as Hojo, pervert, murder, rapist, creeper, stalker (for in his younger days he had a tendency to stalk the cutest boys in school—and drug them), Honey-woney, Hoji-wojey, and a few other miscellaneous nicknames given to him by his obese mother (or Hoj, apparently given to him by the love of his life—no doubt an experiment forced into the guise)—glared, causing all to fear not only for their life, but for their virginity (along with making people shiver at the thought of pudding).

"Be careful around him kid," whispered slime in a rare moment of seriousness.

If Cloud had been capable of turning around to look at his slime without fear of drawing attention he would have noticed the protective way he positioned himself over the chocobo's head, the glowing red slit in his eyes, and the waver of shadows and the shiver of cadets around him. But Cloud was Cloud, the cute little chocobo who was taught to show respect to those of high rank (which happened to be their currently stuttering guide and the glaring Octopus).

One may also say that he didn't notice Sire's odd behavior because slime's behavior was always odd, and thus didn't need special attention—for example, in a normal training day slime can go from sending Cloud flying to a break dance in a matter of seconds, and in mid-air at that. Even while training Tifa the blasted slime would go from the normal dodge to dishing out disco moves, the moon walk, and a few other random ass ones like the "dragon swipe" which consisted of tripping the enemy, kicking them up in the air, shooting upward in a spiral, then slashing across the chest of the enemy. How this was a dance neither Tifa nor Cloud could tell, but Sire proclaimed it was, and any who disagreed with him on this or any other dance related thing tended to get stuck up a mountain surrounded by dragons.

…POV Change—Sephiroth…

Now having solved the issue of whether or not the ghost-teen/thing was a product of his imagination—and if Zack had been taking any drugs (a very unlikely outcome that the great Sephiroth never really considered, but he despised the idea that his office was being invaded by a ghost, and thus thought any solution would be good)—both the puppy and the hero stared across the room at the lazily floating teen.

"Sooo…" Zack began, unable to bear the silence any longer, "want some pudding?"

"I hate pudding."

Sephiroth grudgingly agreed.

"What's your name?"

"Sire…" the boy looked to the ceiling for a second, as if contemplating something.

Zack thought the boy was trying to remember his last name—after all, if the puppy were to die at that age, he wouldn't want to remember what it was like being alive (in his mind Sire was obviously the ghost of some poor kid).

Sephiroth thought the boy looked like he was constipated, which solidified the hero's belief that ghosts simply don't exist. The boy, Sire, was obviously alive, human, no, but alive. Ghosts couldn't get gas.

"Slime…"

"…eh?"

The boy smiled, "You may call me Sire, or slime"

"Slime?"

"'We may'? I don't your permission to do anything slime-ball."

With a laugh the boy vanished; leaving two very confused Soldiers in his wake.

"What was that about?"

"…get back to work"

…POV change—Hojo…

He had found a delectable thing. A beautiful boy with intelligent cerulean eyes, soft blond hair, smooth skin, and a lean build, ah, yes, he had found a beautiful plaything. Not that the child was his yet, but the boy would be soon. All he'd need is patience, pudding, and a few more virgins…or so he thought before he was knocked out, stripped naked, and then thrown into a closet.

With a final glare and kick Hojo decided that he would most definitely kill the one responsible for his predicament.

…POV change—Slime…

Hearing the "good doctor" curse made him smile. Knowing that Hojo wouldn't be found for at least a few days made him laugh.

"To bad I can't kill him myself." the slime sighed as he looked at the closet door, wishing for it to spontaneously combust.

"meow"

All the thoughts up to that point vanished as the slime slowly turned around.

"meow, meow"

Looking upon the slime with cute wide eyes was a kitten. A kitten that was just a little too big for comfort and with nails a little too sharp as they cut the floor beneath them. A kitten who's voice was deceivingly, and cruelly, cute beyond belief.

"meow"

Although the sight of the cat would have scared any reasonable man away (no matter how cute the kittens' voice was) Sire simply stared, and stared, and stared…

Soon it was the kitten who felt fear.

Slime smiled, he loves cats…


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight: Hojo's missing? Yes!

Some things in this world are hard to explain, others simply don't need to be explained.

Like why a giant…cat (Cloud used the term loosely, considering it looked far more like a chimera) run for its life, away from the perusing slime that chased it, frown present on his face as he yelled for the creature to wait. _Wait for what?_ Cloud thought bemusedly, not concerning himself with the running cadets, unaware of what was truly going on and simply panicking at the sight of the rather dangerous monster, _for its inevitable death?_

For Cloud remembered the day he'd accidentally brought a cat home, hoping the slime had some knowledge on how to heal it. Yes, the cat was healed, but that didn't' really matter, for soon after it committed suicide by jumping into the fireplace he mother had just fired up. Even burning it had scratched and clawed at Slime, not allowing the memory to touch it.

And Cloud was certain that if the cat could talk it would have been cursing Slime to a very, _very_ painful death.

Why did the cat go to such lengths to get away from the memory?

Because Sire loved cats, absolutely positively _loved_ them. Of course, the logic behind a memory of dragons and plants, and a few wolves here and there, along with some extinct type of bird-human hybrid loving cats was non-existent. But Sire really wasn't one to follow the rules, and when it came to cat's, he went to the extreme, as in he'd never, and Cloud meant _never_ stop touching them.

Yeah, Cloud never blamed the cat for its decision. He only hoped that this…cat…wouldn't consider such a retreat as well. However, seeing as all the giant cat (chimera-thing) could do was run in circles in the hall full of running cadets—though a few had passed out—and the guide pacing back and forth, muttering on about how Hojo has disappeared, which was a good thing, but it wasn't 'cause the cadet's needed their injections, but he _really_ didn't want to watch as the young boys got fondled, but if he didn't find the Octopus soon then he'd be fired, Cloud highly doubted that the cat-chimera-thing had any other options.

Sighing, he shook his golden head and called Slime over, and, though reluctant—and though it took well over fifty tries, in which time the few remaining conscious cadets began muttering about how insane Strife was at it again—Sire floated over to his side questioningly.

"How 'bout you try this?" Cloud offered, whispering a plan that would both save the cat-chimera-thing and please Sire.

0-0-0-0-0

Hojo still had yet to find a way out of the closet, however, he was pleased to note that hidden away in the cracks lay magazines, more specifically, magazines featuring cute boys.

Drooling, Hojo used the only slip of light that came from the cracks of the door to pass the time.

0-0-0-0-0

Sephiroth was not pleased, not in the slightest, when the ghost-like boy (for he still refused to consider him a ghost) suddenly appeared in his office, head sticking right out of the messengers stomach. However, the news the messenger brought allowed him enough pleasure to completely push aside the annoyance of the boy's presence, Hojo was missing.

0-0-0-0-0

**A/N: Wow, it's been forever since I've updated this, then again, considering no one's reading it, I suppose that only makes sense. And I suppose it only makes sense that this update is so short, considering I've been away from it so long and have received not even one review, thus don't particularly feel like continuing this anymore, which is sad, considering I still find it fun. Though, looking over it again, I can see allot of places that need to be cleaned up. **

**Anyway, this update is simply due to the fact that I'll be too busy for at least a year (give or take a few months), and thus won't be able to update at all, not even for my currently running stories (which are probably better than this in some ways), so I've simply decided to update all the stories that have been put on hiatus till this point, as a gift, if you will, for those non-existent people who might actually read and review them. **


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